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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into this old dude. He’s like, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” I’m like, “Nah, just the missing documents.” He chuckles and tells me about the time he lost his cat on Park St. for a week. I’m thinking, “Dude, that’s rough, but I’m losing my mind over papers!” But hey, at least he made me smile for a sec.

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